Relationships vs. the test of TIME!

Relationships are so complicated! We do the best we can, to make them last for as long as possible. Within the limited time that I have been gracing this planet, I have come to the realisation that every relationship goes through three standard phases. The likelihood of your friend/relationship lasting can be gauged by means of close, and honest, introspection. The three phases which I speak of, can be termed:

1. Honeymoon phase,
2. True colour phase,
3. Live or die phase.

Please note that the phases are not theoretical, it is a mere simple heuristics, which have been carefully noted, by yours truly. Pay close attention 🙂

1. The Honeymoon phase
Ah, this is the phase that we would all love to stay in, forever. It is after all, the stage whereby everything seems to go right, all the time. I mean, we all want people to think the best of us; so naturally, we tend to put our best foot forward. That degree of stubbornness we have, we hide with compromise; that degree of selfishness we have, we hide with selflessness; that degree of cruelty we have, we hide with compassion; that bit of  vanity we have, we hide with modesty and that bit of greed we have, we hide by eating less. Any of this sound familiar?

2. True colour phase
This is the phase whereby our personalities are unable to maintain the appearance of the total good person that we would like our intended to think we are. Mind you, for the most part, I  don’t think that putting your best foot forward can be considered as “being fake”, as some might come to think. To me, it is merely an attempt to show our best selves. Obviously there would be those who would try and abuse this i.e. a REAL faker. However, I speak not of those scoundrels here.

Anyway, getting back to true colours… Some of us have such strong personalities that we cannot help reveal ourselves. Giving in all the time, all that compromise…that’s just not ME…I mean, that’s just not US…hehe. What I’m saying is, there needs to be a balance- between the good that we are and the bad that we conceal.

Some of you might be sitting there, or standing, and thinking to yourselves: “But hey, “I’m in my honeymoon phase for years.” Well, let me tell you something people, there is no time limit on how long each phase can last. Some people can hold out for that long, hiding their true identity…Much like a psycho would. Yes, a psycho. One of my favourite series of ALL time, is a show called Dexter…some you may do well to watch it. It’s rather entertaining for some of the psychos out there… (Or maybe his is revealing a bit of my own mental state… Nah!) Anyway, the series centres around Dexter Morgan (played by Michael C. Hall) a blood spatter pattern analyst for the Miami Metro Police Department, who moonlights as a serial killer. Can you believe it??!! A SERIAL KILLER!! Before any of you put your judgmental glasses on, he only kills those whom he believes have escaped justice. So basically, he does it for the greater good. I’m not sure why I mentioned Dexter… but maybe some of you should have a look and tell me what you think.

Moving along…and back to the true colour phase…

…you will find that there are many, many, MANNNY arguments. This is the phase whereby you will find (or hope to find) your and your significant other’s, equilibrium. Your dark side, or “Dark Passenger”, as Dexter calls it (Don’t worry, no more veering off topic…although, now I see why Dexter came to mind- because of the Dark Passenger within all of us), is fighting to be seen. It’s part of you, so hiding it is in some way, unnatural. This is happening in all of us, both of us, both of you.

3. Live or die phase
The final stage, the Live or Die phase, is where we would know whether the relationship or friendship would be worthwhile to continue or not. If your personalities are incompatible, then past a certain point, you cannot argue, and your energies would be drained from your body…it would only be the SMART thing to part ways…respectfully. Smart for your mental and emotional well-being.

Likewise, on the flip side- if you managed to battle it out in the True Colour phase, baring who you are, armour down, darkness exposed, both of you, all of you…And you are still able to think to yourself, “This person, both capable of good and bad, is compatible with who I am, good and bad; because I am happy with the person that I see in them, and the person that they see in me, truthfully,” then congratulations, your friendship/ relationship has stood the test of time. Cherish it and hold onto it because one thing that is certain in this life, is that true and genuine friends are hard to find.

It should also be noted that, as mentioned earlier, there is not time stipulation as to the duration of each phase. Some go through all phases in a week (to all you one nighters)…others over years.

Ultimately, the key is to be honest with yourself..Do you REALLY want your friend/ significant other seeing your DARK PASSENGER…now? Just joking… 🙂 Bit of drama there Hehe. The question is: “Can both/ all of you be honest and brave enough to reveal yourself…?”


Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter: @ToxicSweety_

ToxicSweety over and out.

PS: For those of you who don’t know him, I have added some pictures of Dexter below. Be sure to check him out in the series “Dexter”.

Dexter Morgan
Dexter Morgan
Shhh… Dark Passenger!

Authored by Fowzia Gamiet, ToxicSweety's Pensieve is a written montage of memories, experiences and anything current and newsworthy. Taken from the Harry Potter series specifically "Goblet of Fire" a "pensieve" is a magical repository for memories. I always love hearing from readers of my blog, so please leave your memory/ comment on ToxicSweety's Pensieve. Enjoy!

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Posted in Relationships, Toxic Judgement
4 comments on “Relationships vs. the test of TIME!
  1. Dear AnonymousYou are addressing many issues in your comment. It seems as though you have lost faith in love and I hope that this is only temporary.A large part of relationships, includes taking risks. We give 100% and can only have faith that our partner reciprocates. If we look at it in terms of mathematics; it is my belief that relationships are made up of 200% input and not 100% as everyone assumes. 100% implies 50% from each party…which quite frankly, is unacceptable. For a functioning relationship, we need 100% from each party. If you feel that you're not receiving the love that you deserve, then I would advise that you set aside some quality time to address these issues. Merely deciding on your own that you no longer wish to put in effort, will only make things worse. Sometimes, we tend to misunderstand a situation, and without communicating with our loved ones, we make rash decisions…meanwhile, our loved ones might have been unaware of what they were doing. Anonymous, I am not trying to make excuses for your partner I am stating the importance of communication with them. Perhaps you may also iron out your insecurities. 🙂 I am a bit concerned about the fighting…If you're male, I hope it's not physical fighting… because I am absolutely against that. Let me know if this message sheds a bit of light.


  2. Anonymous says:

    I think I'm on extreme level of love i do love someone so much and i always give my 100% but it's just a feeling inside somewhere which makes me feel sometime that naaa I'm not reciving 100% as I should it's just make me insecure and I'm start over thinking and that lead us to fight :/


  3. Glad I could bring a smile to your face, even at work. I take it that most non-work websites are blocked? I hope you continue to have access. We already have very little contact. As far as where we stand…well, I think that that is up to each individual. What you expect from our relationship may be different from my expectations. It is thus possible for both of us to be in different phases, even though it is the same relationship. What I can agree on, is that every phase does feel like the honeymoon phase- like it should be. Maturity in relationships is key and I think with us, that seems to have been a key ingredient…Here’s to many more adventures with Miss Thaakirah Fredericks, inshallah. PS: I love your comment and I totally agree… ”Always fight to live”


  4. Thakster says:

    You have made my day! I am so happy that i can access the website from work LOL. Although, i have to admit that you have left me wondering where we stand. I think that each phase felt like a honeymoon. Here’s to many more adventures Miss Fowzia Gamiet……. Dong!A very entertaining read. One thing is for sure: The truth will always be revealed. Live or die people. Live or die! But always fight to Live!#Add2favourites


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